The Horror. The Horror.
I have never seen Wharton, Stanford and Harvard painted in a more horrific light. Megami scores high marks for originality--I'd never have thought to personify these schools in the style of trashy grocery-store erotica--but low marks for taste. Putting walnuts and Gummi Bears on pizza: similarly original, similarly nasty.
I'm revolted! I'm disgusted. I'm also looking forward to the next installment, where Stanford kicks sand in the face of nerdy Wharton and steals the superficial idiot bimbo with a pickup line that means "You don't need nerds like him, I've got a dime-bag, a case of Corona, two-dozen condoms, a gallon of Astroglide, and 24 hours; all I need is you for the perfect party" but which actually comes out (in the flowery way of porn for women) as "Vanessa, let us absquatulate to my cabin in the Poconos where I shall first bat my mocha-creme eyes at you with such force that the wind generated from my spiky eyelashes shall rend your lacy bodice and send it flying hither and thither but mostly to the floor--the marble floor afforded by my great wealth--in shreds. I, like a tiger, shall lap at your body as I would a dish of fresh, non-GMO, organic, full-cream milk, and then we shall enjoy the sinful pleasures of each other on a bed of rose petals as I recount to you in my deep and manly voice how I scored a 780 on my GMAT."
It just doesn't work. It scares me. But I reckon it'd be interesting to count amongst my classmates a half-blind writer of bad porn. Rock on. There's your diversity, Derrick.
posted by nobdy | 1/11/2005 03:05:00 PM
11 Comments:
Don't forget the Viagra, Mr. Stanford. Or maybe Cialis would be better in the 24-hr scenario.
Hi,
I thought her post was more Linda Goodman than Mills n Boon or porn things.
Anyway it was original and to me that counts for a lot! But as she said it was a sweeping generalization.
I will have to take your word for it because I know neither Linda Goodman nor Mills n Boon.
What I do know is this: male porn gets a bad rap because it's a bunch of images and images are easy to understand instantly. Porn designed for women tends to be written (because women know that the imagination is a more powerful turn on). So-called Romance Novels are porn. However, because this sort of porn is delivered in words and imagined images (instead of actual images) it's escaped most religious zealoutry and is basically ignored for juicier targets.
This is not to say that I have a problem with porn. Only with the double standards.
PS: I noticed that your blog has a post titled "P - o - r - n - o - g - r - a - p - h - y" but I have to admit that I do not have the stamina to read it all right now. I choose instead to pull out a quote at random and out of context: "When a girl does not know a crap about the whole sex thing.... she might not know if she is playing with a nuclear bomb or a bijili and could easily mix up the two."
If a bijili is what it sounds like it is, these are some very naive girls indeed. The sort that write about spiked eyelashes and mocha-creme eyes?
Thanks for visiting my blog! Linda Goodman is the author of Sun Signs and other crappy stuff like Love Signs. She describes Leo men or Virgo women much the same way Megami describes W/H/S. I thought Linda G was popular in the states. An Ohio State batch mate gave that book to me.
Some girl I knew in high school read Mill N Boon. There are 100 such M & B novels (Brit authors ? ). I have not read them. But its a popular notion that M&B caters to women and it deals with these soft porn romance subject. It always has cover pages where a lady is caressing a horse etc.
The hyphens in P-O-R- .. is to evade my office web tracking system which does not let me access pages that have profanity content.
Bijili is a small cracker ( fireworks) which when lighted makes a small noise. It is the cheapest and least "masculine" ( :-) ) of all fireworks. But yes! I agree with your comment on the naive part. The first time I went out with a girl, I was surprised how little she knew about sex. In this day and age.. cmon!
I am little nervous leaving comments in your blog. Your knack of finding grammar and spelling mistakes intimidate me :-) But I guess this is a good way to make sure I am not careless with my English.
The moment you trashed the "champagne out of a firehose" cliche, I became your fan :-)
Oh I know it's over the top. I think it's good mimicry of that woman-in-gauzy-dress-atop-majestic-stallion porn that one finds in grocery stores. But that's why it's bad! Have you ever read one of those books?
Here, some quotes:
http://books.guardian.co.uk/news/articles/0,6109,1373416,00.html
A little over the top, don't you think? What with freedom of expression and all that rot, it is Megami's blog and she can pretty much post what she wants too, I am sure she won't mind too much if you stop reading her blog.
While you could claim the same freedom, getting personal about someone who could very well be in your study group or learning team is just not good business sense. Sure you could delude yourself that you are calling it out as you see it, but in real life, people are rarely this blunt or downright rude. Specially if there is a possibility of being forced to work together.
I am no doctor, but maybe, just maybe an anger management class before starting school can help prevent what seems like the onset of a coronary attack?
Wow, there's so much electricity in the air today I can taste the ozone. My logs have been going crazy. The people are looking for blood and have been hitting refresh all day on this page!
Dean: I like the way you think (with regards to a tryst with Megami) and I'm glad you suggested it. With any luck, we'll be in the same study group! Oh, and check the blog tagline. You're a genius, Dean.
Aregon: [Zach makes hand wooshing over head motion accompanied by loud exhalation of air and bugged-out eyes look] Talk about misinterpretation! I'm sure Meg's glad you're stepping up to defend her, but there's really no defense needed. I read her posts as she wanted them read: as over-the-top charicatures full of exaggeration, embellishment, and other Latinate nouns. My responses were in kind. I did not literally retch. I did not feel physically ill. I answered hyperbole with hyperbole, and thought that it would be well received (especially since my admiration for such originality is clear), so imagine my dismay to discover this morning that Megami took my name off of her "Blogs I read" list.
Not only is this a cruel, cruel blow (wherever shall I get my traffic from now!?!) but it's also dishonest. I know she still reads me closely. [The Zach he winks at Megami with his spiked eyelashes and ripples his jaw muscles. "The Zach he is dangerous," his eyes seem to say and she cannot look away, though she knows it will destroy her as surely as would getting too close to a volcano, this torrid and smoky love affair.]
In short, I'm not on the verge of coronary. I not suffering from hypertension. I'm not doped up on caffeine, or Red Bull, or even on my own ego. I'm just another bumbling, blogging bloke poking fun--one who happens to have touched a nerve by comparing those florid business school profiles to grocery store porn. Writers of such porn prefer to have it called "Women's Literature" or at the very least, "literary erotica." I apologize for offending.
Panda: It was a parody intended to point out the absurdity of the reverence that is heaped upon those who score very well on the GMAT. That an 800 GMAT score qualifies someone to do ANYTHING beyond take the GMAT is absurd! That people should seek the advice of someone who gets a perfect score on this exam is absurd. The business school applicant community is fucked up. It values a stupid standardized test score to the exclusion of all else. My posts were meant to highlight this absurdity, but judging from the number of adulatory emails I got from people begging me for test-taking advice, I doubt my point was really understood.
Oh I didn't miss it. I just didn't feel any need to belabor the obvious. Of course I'm being a little confrontational. I'm unhappy with the status quo!
sounds like potential talent for wharton follies writers (if you saw this year's show, you'd know what i mean)
You probably want to visit this site, it contains everything that you want to know about viagra levitra
Hello! ;)
wow... what demented news!
what do you think about it?
Post a Comment
<< Home