bskewl

Wharts and All: Blogging the Full-Time MBA Program at the Wharton School

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Who Posts Short Shorts? I Post Short Shorts! [Edit 1]

My fingers ache to tap out so much craptacular stuff that I'm presented with a dilemma: I'll either have to axe topics, post more times per day, or limit the amount of time I spend per topic. I do know that the majority of visitors to this site flee in under five seconds (Logfiles are humbling things.) I also know enough to trust the reaction of a friend (I do have some!) who saw the blog for the first time today and wrote, "Whoa. A lot of text. Mebbe I'll read it after the semester's over. Hehe."

Hehe indeed. These short shorts are for my internet friends with the short attention spans:

  • One cure for the textual overload might be to insert some photos like my new hero Happy Ending. Reading Happy Ending's blog was like reading a funnier version of myself. He's the man with the golden keyboard and leaden GMAT score. Still, any blog named after the massage world's seedy euphemism [link may not be work safe] for an orgasmic finish wins my vote. Ha! Seedy euphemism. Get it? Ha Ha!
  • Another cure for the textual overload might be to express myself more succinctly. Business Boy rightly lampoons me for beating about the bush (there's that onanism entendre again!) with all of my disingenuous posts that have so far only obliquely hinted at the unexpressed love that burns a slow but hot fire inside of me (in the area below my belly button to be specific). It is true, I have a scarlet M on my chest. I dare not get my hopes up, however, because we all know that the object of my affections is herself obsessed with the conceited but mocha-eyed playboy with the spikey eyelashes who graces the second seat in the fourth row in Ms. Spangler's homeroom. She'd never dig a Wharton nerd like me, but I long for the day when he mistreats her and I can confront him in the parking lot with a line I've rehearsed many times, "Hey you! Get your damn hands off her!"
  • And finally, I've been asked why I don't spend more time enlightening the world with just a fraction of my obvious surfeit of knowledge about the admissions process. "Dearest Bskewl," my adoring, GMAT-worshipping fans from Hyderabad and Shanghai plead, "why do you not spend more time giving us your unvarnished pearls of wisdom about the admissions process?" To them I offer these two unvarnished (and I do mean Unvarnished) pearls of wisdom: (1) Google it, you lazy fucks, it's not like these goddamned schools haven't been around for a hundred years or more. Does the world really need another high-on-himself recent admit unleashing noblesse oblige? (2) Surely you can scrape together $16.32 to purchase the bible on MBA admissions? Is there anything new under the sun to be written on this topic? Is there still a heartbeat in this horse?

I blogged this to: Hooverphonic's "2-Wicky" and "Wardrope."

Edit 1: Someone already emailed me about the first unvarnished pearl of wisdom. He was offended and would have preferred a little varnish after all. Sorry. No varnish here. We're fresh out of varnish. Another reader wrote to remind me that I left out an important fact and for that I apologize: the URL for Google is http://www.google.com. Try the search terms "MBA" or (if you want to get really fancy) "MBA Admissions" (with quotes). Also, please read my response in the comments below for another disclaimer.

52 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Zach, I enjoy reading your blog, but why do you have to rag on foreign students the way you just did in the above post?

- Fellow Round 1 Wharton admit

1/27/2005 06:42:00 AM  
Blogger bskewl said...

I should have stated that GMAT-overemphasis-itis is not an ailment that afflicts only foreign students, but it is one that is commonly associated with them (the average GMAT scores of India and China, respectively, validate this association). If I cannot make fun of the stereotypical IIT/Bei-Dai graduate who posts "I have a 780 GMAT. Retake?" on the business week forums, then who am I to make fun of? This is the only ragging that I do on foreign students in this post.

I certainly do not mean to imply that foreign students are any lazier than American students. With my "google it" commandment, I was addressing all of the applicants out there who do not have the gumption to do a little of their own legwork before asking someone else to do it for them. I apologize for any implication that foreign applicants are any lazier than their American counterparts. Given how much more seriously foreign students tend to take their studies, they're anything but lazy when it comes to academic performance.

1/27/2005 07:02:00 AM  
Blogger Classy said...

Dude, you completely forgot to mention the, "I feel lucky" option on the google search. For some, that's as close to getting lucky as they'll get. Help those poor souls, would ya?

BTW, my first name starts with an M..;-)

1/27/2005 07:30:00 AM  
Blogger Panda said...

uhh, just in case you don't already know, when a visitor is classified as "stayed less than 5 secs" it merely means they didn't reload another page after coming to your site... I never do since I see all your new posts on the main page.

>I long for the day when he mistreats her and I can
>confront him in the parking lot with a line I've
>rehearsed many times, "Hey you! Get your damn hands
>off her!"
hmm, don't these usually end with the hunk kicking your ass, then suddenly finding grace again in the eyes of his damsel through this display of brutal strength, and the two riding off in his red convertible while you eat exhaust fumes?

1/27/2005 08:29:00 AM  
Blogger bskewl said...

Bear with me, because I'm a bit of a technical idiot, but I thought that a session was registered as "closed" once the user either (a) closed the browser or (b) navigated away from this page. (A minute later... Ok, I checked the logging software and learned that you are correct. Wow. I did not know that! So maybe some small but masochistic contingent of readers are staying six or more seconds.)

And yes, that's generally what happens in the parking lot situation, but the nerd DID get the girl in Back to the Future with that very line, so I don't know that the outlook is as bleak as all that.

1/27/2005 08:47:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are an IDIOT...

1/27/2005 08:50:00 AM  
Blogger bskewl said...

Classy: I'll save the advanced search features for another post. Really, let's not overwhelm people! Baby steps...

1/27/2005 08:50:00 AM  
Blogger bskewl said...

Anonymous: statement of the obvious. Fined 10 points. Please try to ADD to the discussion. Thank you.

1/27/2005 08:51:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello. I discovered your blog recently and I love it. Have you accepted your offer from Wharton?

1/27/2005 09:31:00 AM  
Blogger bskewl said...

Anonymous: Because answering that question could move me from a relatively large pool of 400 suspects to a much smaller field of suspects (those who have already accepted Wharton's offer) I will answer your question indirectly:

I will be attending Wharton and no other school this fall.

1/27/2005 10:12:00 AM  
Blogger PowerYogi said...

"Because answering that question could move me from a relatively large pool of 400 suspects to a much smaller field ..."

Aaah, in speed reading your blog (to keep to the 5 second limit) I thought that the question being answered was "Have you accepted Wharton?"

Pure genius, I thought. But, of course, that had to be verified so on a re-read I realized that Anon was just asking about accepting an Offer from W :)

1/27/2005 01:27:00 PM  
Blogger Smoothness said...

I gave you props on my new blog: mbabracket.blogspot.com ... check it out!

1/27/2005 01:57:00 PM  
Blogger Happy Ending said...

I wrote this for your foreign fans that appear to have creative differences just to let them know who is boss. Enjoy.

Scholarshipfunderus Middleclassamericanomys
Wealthy Foreign Student, sometimes also referred to as Golden Boy/Girl

Habitat: typically offspring of wealthy overseas oligarchs, businessmen, dictators, and other notable personalities, found in elite universities if intelligent or state schools if wealthy but have an IQ equivalent to that of a seedling fruit, in the wild this species is often associated with large, successful family conglomerate businesses which dominate the economies of small nations, involved in interesting extra curricular activities such as plotting to topple the governments of oil-rich countries such as Equatorial Guinea or scamming money from the IMF or UN through entrepreneurial offshore business endeavors

Distinguishing Features: sense of extreme entitlement and belief that academic success equates with real world success, only operates new BMW or other expensive cars with leather seats (BTW Prince of Sudan – don’t you think the yellow Lamborghini was little excessive given the state of your nation – my financial aid and full time job barely afforded me a Twinkie and a pack of gum !), inflated title in the professional world earned by successfully rolling into work fives day in a row before 11 am, found in the most exclusive clubs around the world despite insecurity, eating disorders, psychological problems, has been in practically every exotic locale via private yacht, a member of the 5% who have internet access in respective impoverished homeland, not to be confused with the less fortunate, usually smarter sub species Thirdworldypus Fellowshiprecipientines who have been awarded the Muskie, Truman, or Fullbright and are destined to be the future bitches, plants, and informants of U.S. interests in foreign nations


Danger if Provoked: extreme, may lash out with immense financial resources and high-level connections, prone to buying the whole bar drinks as a friendship gesture

Mortal Weakness: being cut off from family wealth by marrying unsuitable mate or other disgraceful act Comments:

Comments: The Wealthy Foreign Student’s generic name means "one who funds the poor and middle class kid who grew up on the other side of the tracks to attain a college education.” Providing an additional safety net to Bush’s No Child Left behind garbage, Scholarshipfunderus Middleclassamericanomys’ financial assets and ability to ante up cold hard cash is verified before they are permitted to enter the United States. Those stragglers who cannot document that they have $100,000 in cash to fund his/her education are refused entry and forced to attend the best college they can find with dubious linkages to elite American universities. For example, the Sasin Institute of Management in Bangkok, Thailand is rumored to have a preserved bowel movement from Kellogg Dean Deepak Jain after he ate some authentic Thai street food. The Hong Kong University of Science and technology has a collection of trash which was fashioned into a art display by a graduate of the Tisch school of New York University, and Singapore Management University is the former alma mater of Asian porn king Chuwit Kamolvisit, who through his video distribution services and go-go bars, has substantial connections with several undergraduate fraternity houses and men across the United States and Europe. Scholarshipfunderus Middleclassamericanomys’ job prospects in the United States are limited due to the current political regime, though once you do something notable, we will be happy to “brain drain” you over here. Exotic, attractive, female, Wealthy Foreign Students are often converted into Trophius Wifeus by local male inhabitants.

Once in the U.S., the Wealthy Foreign Student often takes on habits and rituals associated with American urban youth, including but not limited to wearing track suits, over eating and gaining the post graduate 15, adopting annoying regional accents speech patterns from the South and Minnesota etc. The animal occasionally falls, about 35 percent showed healed injuries, due to drunkenness or other intoxicants. Scholarshipfunderus Middleclassamericanomys’ time in the United States is a time for exploration, to finally get out from under the thumb of the often overbearing and traditional parental groups and outdated cultural mores. Because ADCOMs reject the gambling/drinking trips to Canada and Mexico that most American MBA applicants count as international business exposure, the Wealthy Foreign Student is a common and well-respected member of the MBA community. Its attendance adds much needed diversity to campuses across the country, as well as trending the GMAT range up to nearly unattainable levels for the average American applicant.

1/27/2005 04:28:00 PM  
Blogger Hawkeye said...

Ha ha! no matter what you say, I cant see myself (or that matter anybody) get angry with you. You remind me of myself some years ago..

i am sure love (or worse marriage) will tame you!.

Call me /*whatever u want to*/ but I would like you to Write a blog on either one of the two things ( sounds like essays).

1) how you would ask someone to link you in their blog (because they get way too much traffic on their site than yours.) - # 1 priority. Minimum word limit 400

2)You have foreign (lets say IIT/790/3.96) Learning Team teammate. He (IITs are rarely she's) is insecure that (a) wharton may reevaluate his file and throw him out because of his low GMAT and (b) he scored a A- in some course and is afraid that this might cost him a McCkinsey job. He constantly talks to you about this when you are working together..what will say to him that will enrich his life :-) and make him see the world in a new light? Min (Read as MINIMUM) word limit500 words. - Low priority

(As you can see I have some IIT friends who I really wanna get back at )

I'll be glad if you could do both essays but the first one is the real challenge.

C'mon pick the chalenge up! can you do it?

This cud start a revolution in the bloggin wrold where u will be servicing requests and ur topics will get wierder. :-)

1/27/2005 05:18:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like your style. Terse. Fair. To the point.

Trying to do the same thing on my blog:
http://fairtexfan.blogspot.com/

1/27/2005 08:07:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Plus I'm one of the few blogs to tell it like it is. Stick it to the man. So get the word out, word?

http://fairtexfan.blogspot.com/

1/28/2005 06:15:00 AM  
Blogger Linda Ackley said...

brilliant as always bskewl

1/29/2005 11:39:00 AM  
Blogger Linda Ackley said...

p.s. visiting my friend at UPenn and it's COLD in Philly!

1/29/2005 11:40:00 AM  
Blogger Linda Ackley said...

And to your point about “enlightening the world” with application best practices…have you seen The Story of Me, Part I and PartII posts by Adam Stein? Best MBA application story/advice I’ve read! Adam was one of the best blog-writers two years ago. Shame he dropped the ball in the end.

1/29/2005 12:05:00 PM  
Blogger bskewl said...

Linda,

Thanks for the compliments and the comments you left. I have in fact read Adam Stein's entire blog. He was amazing. I wish he would have continued, but as I think he noted on one of his posts, publicity killed his desire to continue. I hope that doesn't happen to me. I've taken steps to prevent it, but people love to solve a mystery.

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