Who Posts Short Shorts? I Post Short Shorts! [Edit 1]

My fingers ache to tap out so much craptacular stuff that I'm presented with a dilemma: I'll either have to axe topics, post more times per day, or limit the amount of time I spend per topic. I do know that the majority of visitors to this site flee in under five seconds (Logfiles are humbling things.) I also know enough to trust the reaction of a friend (I do have some!) who saw the blog for the first time today and wrote, "Whoa. A lot of text. Mebbe I'll read it after the semester's over. Hehe."

Hehe indeed. These short shorts are for my internet friends with the short attention spans:

• One cure for the textual overload might be to insert some photos like my new hero Happy Ending. Reading Happy Ending's blog was like reading a funnier version of myself. He's the man with the golden keyboard and leaden GMAT score. Still, any blog named after the massage world's seedy euphemism [link may not be work safe] for an orgasmic finish wins my vote. Ha! Seedy euphemism. Get it? Ha Ha!
• Another cure for the textual overload might be to express myself more succinctly. Business Boy rightly lampoons me for beating about the bush (there's that onanism entendre again!) with all of my disingenuous posts that have so far only obliquely hinted at the unexpressed love that burns a slow but hot fire inside of me (in the area below my belly button to be specific). It is true, I have a scarlet M on my chest. I dare not get my hopes up, however, because we all know that the object of my affections is herself obsessed with the conceited but mocha-eyed playboy with the spikey eyelashes who graces the second seat in the fourth row in Ms. Spangler's homeroom. She'd never dig a Wharton nerd like me, but I long for the day when he mistreats her and I can confront him in the parking lot with a line I've rehearsed many times, "Hey you! Get your damn hands off her!"
• And finally, I've been asked why I don't spend more time enlightening the world with just a fraction of my obvious surfeit of knowledge about the admissions process. "Dearest Bskewl," my adoring, GMAT-worshipping fans from Hyderabad and Shanghai plead, "why do you not spend more time giving us your unvarnished pearls of wisdom about the admissions process?" To them I offer these two unvarnished (and I do mean Unvarnished) pearls of wisdom: (1) Google it, you lazy fucks, it's not like these goddamned schools haven't been around for a hundred years or more. Does the world really need another high-on-himself recent admit unleashing noblesse oblige? (2) Surely you can scrape together $16.32 to purchase the bible on MBA admissions? Is there anything new under the sun to be written on this topic? Is there still a heartbeat in this horse?

I blogged this to: Hooverphonic's "2-Wicky" and "Wardrope."

Edit 1: Someone already emailed me about the first unvarnished pearl of wisdom. He was offended and would have preferred a little varnish after all. Sorry. No varnish here. We're fresh out of varnish. Another reader wrote to remind me that I left out an important fact and for that I apologize: the URL for Google is http://www.google.com. Try the search terms "MBA" or (if you want to get really fancy) "MBA Admissions" (with quotes). Also, please read my response in the comments below for another disclaimer.